101 Jokes

By Philip Cherian and Gabriel Wang

Ah, jokes. Don’t you love them? Well if you don’t like them then leave, because we raked up 101 jokes. (Thank you 200+ jokes because most of the jokes here were from there)

1). What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.

2). What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?

Thunderwear.

3). Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?

Dill with it.

4). What time is it when the clock strikes 13?

Time to get a new clock.

5). How does a cucumber become a pickle?

It goes through a jarring experience.

6). What did one toilet say to the other?

You look a bit flushed.

7). What do you think of that new diner on the moon?

Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.

8). Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

9). Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?

Because she will “let it go, let it go.”

10). What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

11). Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

Because she wanted to go to high school.

12). What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador

13). Where would you find an elephant?

The same place you lost her.

14). How do you get a squirrel to like you?

Act like a nut.

15). What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts

16). How does a scientist freshen her breath?

With experi-mints.

17). How are false teeth like stars?

They come out at night.

18). What building in your town has the most stories?

The public library.

19). What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

20). What is a computer’s favorite snack?

Computer chips.

21). What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.

22). How do we know that the ocean is friendly?

It waves.

23). What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?

Twister.

24). How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

25). How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words.

26). What animal is always at a baseball game?

A bat.

27). What falls in winter but never gets hurt?

Snow.

28). What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?

That hit the spot.

29). Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

30). What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?

R2 detour.

31). Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy.

32). Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Because her mom and dad were in a jam.

33). What did the little corn say to the mama corn?

Where is pop corn?

34). How do you make a lemon drop?

Just let it fall.

35). What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don’t take me for granite.

36). Why does a seagull fly over the sea?

Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

37). What kind of water can’t freeze?

Hot water.

38). What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree.

39). What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore.

40). What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

A rocket chip.

41). Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

42). What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield.

43). What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells.

44). What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner is on me.

45). Why did the student eat his homework?

Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

46). When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?

Because when you find it, you stop looking.

47). What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation.

48). What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?

Hoppy Birthday.

49). What’s the one thing will you get every year on your birthday, guaranteed?

A year older.

50). Why do candles always go on the top of cakes?

Because it’s hard to light them from the bottom.

51). What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?

They both need a good batter.

52). What goes up but never comes down?

Your age.

53). What does every birthday end with?

The letter Y.

54). What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?

It’s roar birthday.

55). Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?

She wanted to ice it.

56). Does a green candle burn longer than a pink one?

No, they both burn shorter.

57). Why did the little girl hit her birthday cake with a hammer?

It was a pound cake.

58). Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?

Because it had more cents.

59). Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?

Because it’s never right.

60). Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven eight nine.

61). Why was the equal sign so humble?

Because he wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

62). What do you call guys who love math?

Algebros.

63). How do you stay warm in any room?

Go to the corner—it’s always 90 degrees.

64). Why was the fraction nervous about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

65). Are monsters good at math?

Not unless you count Dracula.

66). Why was the math book sad?

Because it had too many problems.

67). Why does nobody talk to circles?

Because there’s no point.

68). Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?

She was a little horse.

69). What goes in your mouth dry and comes out wet.

Gum.

70). What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon.

71). Why don’t elephants chew gum?

They do, just not in public.

72). What did the banana say to the dog?

Bananas can’t talk.

73). How do you make an octopus laugh?

With ten-tickles.

74). What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bull-dozer.

75). How do you fit more pigs on a farm?

Build a sty-scraper.

76). What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?

An udder failure.

77). What do you call a cow that won’t give milk?

A milk dud.

78). Why do fish live in saltwater?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

79). What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

80). Where do polar bears vote?

The North Poll

81). What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?

Ouch!

82). Why did the snake cross the road?

To get to the other ssside.

83). Why are fish so smart?

Because they live in schools.

84). What did the ocean say to the pirate?

Nothing, it just waved.

85). Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?

Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

86). What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?

He got marooned.

87). How did the pirate get his flag so cheaply?

He bought it on sail.

88). What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?

8 pirates.

89). How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

About a buck an ear.

90). Why is pirating so addictive?

They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.

91). How do pirates know that they are pirates?

They think, therefore they arrr.

92). What is a cat’s favorite color?

Purrr-ple.

93). What song does a cat like best?

Three Blind Mice.

94). Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?

To the mew-seum.

95). What kind of kitten works for the Red Cross?

A first-aid kit.

96). Why are cats good at video games?

Because they have nine lives.

97). What did the cat say when he fell off the table?

“Me-ow.”

98). What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?

One is a cat copy; the other is a copy cat.

99). What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?

A fur ball.

100). What’s a cat’s favorite magazine?

A cat-alogue.

101). Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because you didn’t cook it.